nostalgebraist
TBH I kind of enjoy the style of file hosting sites that make their money by getting people to sign up for their premium service
“Do you want to PREMIUM DOWNLOAD this file? I think you want to PREMIUM DOWNLOAD this file. To help you make this (non-)decision, here is a GIANT TABLE comparing the stout, healthy PREMIUM DOWNLOAD to the wretched, pathetic ‘free download,’ which we retain only out of pity. PREMIUM DOWNLOAD is going places in life. PREMIUM DOWNLOAD hails from a noble lineage, stretching back to patriarchs of a less sickly age. Cast your lot with ‘free download’ and you will waste your years in a purgatory of tickets and CAPTCHAs. You will curse with your dying breath the pivotal moment when, as a rash young thing, you made the wrong choice.
Why are you scrolling down? Here, we’ll make this easier for you. Here are five gigantic green buttons reading PREMIUM DOWNLOAD. Do you occasionally feel self-conscious about your performance in bed? Those who have chosen PREMIUM DOWNLOAD do not. The price is so, so low. You will not even notice it. After all, PREMIUM DOWNLOAD comes with free, cutting-edge financial-decision-anesthesia technology.
We notice you are continuing to scroll down. We are becoming very concerned. Do you need to talk? We have many therapists on staff, although, naturally, they are perks of our PREMIUM DOWNLOAD service. We will slow your fall from grace with this CAPTCHA. It will not work and you will have to re-load it. Then it will show you a grainy picture of the number ‘6513′ and instruct you to ‘type the three words.’ There are not three words, only one number. Do you see what things are like in the meaningless, debauched void of ‘free download,’ unbound by denotation or logic? We beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken!
We see you are lost. We weep. Enjoy your ‘free download,’ and may God have mercy on your soul.”
